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.: The Blogger :. No more a full-time student Is a fan of coffee Can be random at times, as you can see.
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Friday, August 06, 2010Something different for a change
I didn't regret attending one of my friend's birthday party just now. Gave me a whole new perspective of life. Party party and party, an alternative lifestyle indeed.
Sometimes I feel inadequate. I'm not sure why as well. But maybe I know why. Perhaps no matter how hard I try, I'll never be as good as others. Some are great businessmen, have their own companies and earning big bucks (and fame of course). Some are great public speakers. I have tried but I can never be as good as them (and don't come and tell me about practicing more and becoming better as a result, I don't buy that crap thankyouverymuch). Some are great writers, writing best-sellers and all. The two books that I wrote, not many people buy them (I think). Best of all, people give me the i-don't-believe-you look when I tell them I wrote two books. Some have cars. Don't get me started on that topic. Some are engaged / married at my age / or even younger. Some are great bowlers. I don't understand why I cannot be good at that after almost playing it for a year. Some are great singers. I can't reach high notes for nuts. The list goes on. I look to my right from where I'm sitting now, and I can see my past glory, the times I received medals, trophies, certificates and plaques. But they seem to be staring at me and mocking me, because I'm no longer that person people used to know. I no longer have that energy and drive to strive for excellence like what I was a few years ago. Each day I come back from work, I slump on my sofa / bed and promptly receive my air ticket to dreamland. I'm no longer that person that people used to know who can hold a few appointments at one go. I'm no longer that person that people used to know who can survive with a mere few hours of sleep. What's left of me is a feeble 75 year-old body containing the mind of a 25 year-old. I often touch on the topic of what-if. What if I was not the person I am today? What if I dropped out of school and entered the workforce earlier? What if I picked up the habit of smoking / drinking / partying, would I be happier than what I am today? After all, all I have to do is to drink and smoke and not care about what's going to happen tomorrow. I know this post is not a flattering post of myself. I don't know what guts I have to post this for everyone to view. All I know is no matter how hard I try, it's never good enough, and I don't know why. And I don't know why I even bother to try.
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